The Day I Stopped Breathing….

I remember the day I stopped breathing like it was yesterday. August 6th, 2009, two days after my 42nd birthday.

We had just had a family get together at my sister Traci’s home.

Mom had been feeling bad for months and had been to her family doctor and a heart specialist. Because she was getting worse, we felt she needed a second opinion.

Her appointment was the same night as our family get together. Her face was swollen and she felt so bad she went to the doctor and she insisted she should go by herself.

As Wayne and I drove home from my sister’s my Mom called. The next few minutes are a blur but Mom told me the doctor had found a large mass around her stomach and it was cancer.

We had just pulled into the garage and I sat in the car crying and at that moment, I feel I stopped breathing……..

The next seven weeks I spent almost everyday and night at my parents home. I went with Mom to all of her doctors appointments, cooked for her, made sure she took her medicines, helped her pick out a wig (she never used it because she passed away after one chemo treatment).

Mom’s cancer spread quickly and she became so weak she needed a cane so we went to a medical supply store and bought one.

We began a bible study together at home but unfortunately we didn’t get to finish it.

Just a few weeks earlier Mom was working full time and within days after finding out she had cancer she could hardly walk up the stairs.

Still not breathing……..

September 22, 2009 Mom went to be with the Lord. We gathered around her hospital bed and sang hymns and read scripture as her earthly body died and her spirit entered heaven.

Mom spent her life waiting for this moment.

Her final earthly breath….

And then her first breath in heaven……..

Her Heavenly Father was waiting………

But His gain felt like my loss.

I still could not breath……

Weeks and months have gone by since Mom’s final breath here on earth. Life for me has gone on……..but everything has changed.

The night Mom passed away my Dad came home with us and spent the night. He never stayed another night at their house. It was too hard for him to be there without Mom.

We decided to sell their home and Dad would continue to live with us. Truthfully having him live with Wayne and I for the past year and a half has been hard.

Not because of Dad, he’s the easiest person to live with in the  whole world and I adore Him. But it has been a constant reminder for me that Mom is gone.

I have also had to watch Dad grieve and see first hand how lonely he has been without Mom. It’s been hard for me to see him by himself.

I have felt guilty when Wayne and I have had to leave for several days because I didn’t want Dad to be alone.

I have felt guilty when Wayne and I went out on a date together knowing Dad didn’t have Mom.

So much guilt…….But finally………..I really believe………..

I’m starting to breath again…..

I’ll tell you why,

To be continued tomorrow…….click here.

leave a comment...

  1. Cindy, I too watched and held my mother as she drew her last breath. She had instant peace and as sad as it was, so did I. I knew she was in a better place, without all the pain and suffering. I miss her so much, even to this day. Sometimes I think I need to give her a call to share some good news or tell her what one of her grand babies just did, then it all comes back that I can’t call her now or never. The most comforting feeling is knowing that some day I will be with her for all eternity and I know that you have that same reassuring thought as well about being reunited with your dear mom!
    I really enjoy reading your post and miss seeing you and your sweet family!

  2. I cried as I read your post. I am blessed to be a cancer survivor. I wrote my story out for the purpose of encouraging others and started my website for that purpose also and have broadened the scope to include any life-changing events people go through from a Christian perspective.

  3. Precious…precious…precious…..

    My heart truly ached as I read your post and can only imagine what you’ve gone through and continue to go through.

    Looking forward to reading your next post.


  4. Thanks, Cindy. What a great post . I know this is a difficult time for you and Traci. I am praying for you. I am looking forward to the next post. I believe the Lord is doing some great things I’m your life. Hugs, Gail

  5. I enjoyed reading your story. I lost my mom to cancer in Jan 2009 and I felt all of the same things. We had 2 1/2 years after she was diagnosed, which was a blessing in most ways. It was hard watching her suffer for that long. Losing a mom is so hard, the hole doesn’t seem to be able to be filled sometimes. Thankfully I know she is in heaven and we will be together again. Praise God!