I remember the day I stopped breathing like it was yesterday. August 6th, 2009, two days after my 42nd birthday.
We had just had a family get together at my sister Traci’s home.
Mom had been feeling bad for months and had been to her family doctor and a heart specialist. Because she was getting worse, we felt she needed a second opinion.
Her appointment was the same night as our family get together. Her face was swollen and she felt so bad she went to the doctor and she insisted she should go by herself.
As Wayne and I drove home from my sister’s my Mom called. The next few minutes are a blur but Mom told me the doctor had found a large mass around her stomach and it was cancer.
We had just pulled into the garage and I sat in the car crying and at that moment, I feel I stopped breathing……..
The next seven weeks I spent almost everyday and night at my parents home. I went with Mom to all of her doctors appointments, cooked for her, made sure she took her medicines, helped her pick out a wig (she never used it because she passed away after one chemo treatment).
Mom’s cancer spread quickly and she became so weak she needed a cane so we went to a medical supply store and bought one.
We began a bible study together at home but unfortunately we didn’t get to finish it.
Just a few weeks earlier Mom was working full time and within days after finding out she had cancer she could hardly walk up the stairs.
Still not breathing……..
September 22, 2009 Mom went to be with the Lord. We gathered around her hospital bed and sang hymns and read scripture as her earthly body died and her spirit entered heaven.
Mom spent her life waiting for this moment.
Her final earthly breath….
And then her first breath in heaven……..
Her Heavenly Father was waiting………
But His gain felt like my loss.
I still could not breath……
Weeks and months have gone by since Mom’s final breath here on earth. Life for me has gone on……..but everything has changed.
The night Mom passed away my Dad came home with us and spent the night. He never stayed another night at their house. It was too hard for him to be there without Mom.
We decided to sell their home and Dad would continue to live with us. Truthfully having him live with Wayne and I for the past year and a half has been hard.
Not because of Dad, he’s the easiest person to live with in the whole world and I adore Him. But it has been a constant reminder for me that Mom is gone.
I have also had to watch Dad grieve and see first hand how lonely he has been without Mom. It’s been hard for me to see him by himself.
I have felt guilty when Wayne and I have had to leave for several days because I didn’t want Dad to be alone.
I have felt guilty when Wayne and I went out on a date together knowing Dad didn’t have Mom.
So much guilt…….But finally………..I really believe………..
I’m starting to breath again…..
I’ll tell you why,
To be continued tomorrow…….click here.