Four Years Ago Today

Four years ago today, I woke up after a very difficult night. Mom had passed away around 1:30 in the morning. I did NOT want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to face the day. The pain was more than I could bear.

Three short months earlier we were in Charleston, South Carolina on vacation with Mom and Dad. Mom wasn’t feeling well and was being treated for a condition called atrial fibrillation.

This is a picture of Mom, Courtney and I eating out in Charleston. When I look back at these pictures now, I can tell Mom wasn’t feeling good. But we still had so much fun!

Mom at Charleston

September 22, 2009, Mom passed away from gastric cancer. Our family was devastated!

Here it is four years later, and I’m typing these words from Charleston, South Carolina. We’ve come back to one of our favorite places to get away and relax. I have such sweet memories here with Mom and Dad and I’m so thankful for that!

We’ll go to some of the same places we went four years ago and I know it will remind me of Mom. But in some ways it’s a good thing. I’ll celebrate her and the amazing woman she was.

Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her, the pain has lessened with time but I still miss her terribly. There are so many things I need and want to tell her. Mom always knew the right thing to say.

She encouraged and loved and prayed. No matter what our situation Mom always pointed us to Christ. She knew that He was always the answer.

I hope that I’m that kind of Mom, wife, and friend. I don’t have all the answers but I know the One who does and without Him I would be lost!

This is a song I’ve listened to a hundred times but it always makes me think of Mom because I feel we lost her way too soon.

I don’t know what your struggle is today. Are you lonely, heartbroken, suffering with illness? Whatever it is, Jesus is the answer.

I’ll leave you with Mom’s favorite verse, John 14:27 says, Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Have a blessed day friends!

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  1. Cyndi,
    Thank you for how you bless others with your daily inspiration. I lost my mom a year ago. She and my dad, both, were placed in a memory care center with Alzheimers. There are so many awful feelings when you lose a loved one that way, but we must look on the blessings they brought to our lives and the wonderful things we learned from them. And, happily, we can look forward to the day we join them, again, in heaven! Thanks, again, Cyndi.
    Love and prayers,
    Lisa

  2. I actually read this post last night on my phone but am just now stopping by to comment and let you know I’ve been praying for you, Cyndi. I’m sure you’re especially missing your mom and her sweet spirit and counsel right now, but she clearly imprinted her advice on your heart long ago. Jesus is the answer — the only answer to all of our pain and sorrow. Lifting you up, sweet friend.
    xo Heidi

  3. Cyndi,
    I just lost my dad last week and I can see from your post that it still hurts 4 years later for you. I appreciate you sharing that because we have a hope but we miss our loved ones.

    Lori

  4. Cyndi, you look so much like your mom. I haven’t lost a parent yet but I can only imagine the pain that will bring. Thanks for sharing from your heart.

  5. As I shared with you at Haven, I also know great loss. My sister’s death in 2000, my parent’s death (my mom’s due to nursing home neglect). It forever changes you. I am finding I still have grief I need to lay at the foot of the cross. To feel the pain, acknowledge the loss and continue to move towards healing. Thank you for sharing your innermost heart with us.

  6. Cyndi you are a beautiful woman, inside and out. I love reading about your precious mom and your posts make me appreciate mine more…. So thankful for your faith and that you don’t walk through this alone. Your mom would be soo proud of you! Love you!!

  7. Cyndi, you my dear are such a blessing to us. Thank you for sharing your heart on such a painful day. What I enjoy most about your blog is the joy I feel from you even during difficult times. Jesus radiates through you. I wish in some way I could’ve met your Mom, but I believe I’m getting a glance of her through you. I am very blessed to have found your blog. You’re such a wonderful and godly woman. May God continue to use you and continue to replace your pain with his joy.

    Thank you its such an honor…
    Wendy

  8. I know there are no words that can truly soften the pain of losing one’s Mother. I also don’t know if the grieving really ever ends or, if over time, our loving God teaches us a more spiritual way to grieve so we can go on. I don’t know if our hearts ever heal as they were before broken they were broken so badly by losing the very heart we first heard. I can tell that your Mother is still in you by the words you write about your lovely children and grandson. No one but a Mother could have those feelings and express them so eloquently.
    All I have to give are my love and prayers and they are yours, dearest Cyndi.

  9. Cyndi – I am so sorry for your pain and sadness. Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us. God uses you in such a beautiful and graceful way. Your mom’s light shines through you and I am thankful she inspired this blog as you inspire so many others. Hugs and prayers that you are comforted by many precious memories during this sad period.

    Shanna

  10. Cyndi,
    Your words about your mom are so touching–a wonderful tribute to the beautiful woman that she was in Christ Jesus! It seems no matter how old we get, we still need our moms. They continue to nurture and care for us even though we no longer live in the same home. I am fortunate to still have my mom, but I was also so very close to my grandmother, and she is one that I miss every day. I think we can truly appreciate the wisdom that they share from their life experiences. And you are doing the same through this blog for so many: sharing wisdom and pointing us to Christ in all things. Through you, we are blessed!

  11. Hi Cyndi.

    I agree with Susan. I am so sorry for your loss of your mom and best friend. My mom is my best friend too, and I cannot imagine not having her.

    Hugs to you my friend.

  12. I am so sorry for your loss friend. My mom is my best friend too, and it is hard to imagine my life without her. You will be in my prayers tonight. Susan

  13. Cyndi, God carries us especially during these times when we have lost a love one. Just knowing they are celebrating with Jesus make it somehow easier. I lost my Dad 4 years ago next month, from lung cancer. One day though we will be with them in the presences of our Holy Savior. Sherry

  14. I love your post, it brings everything back so real. I lost my husband in1980, he was just 39 years old (colon cancer) and a few years later my father passed an a few years later I lost my mother. Here of late I have been having so many thought of them as I loved them very much. I am 70 and soon enough I will join them in heaven. God Bless!

  15. Always enjoy your posts. My mother suddenly passed away in 2009 from a complicated stomach issue. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her, talk to her, and remember her goodness. We are truly blessed to have mothers who were such loving and caring women. God bless you and your family on this day.

  16. I normally don’t read blogs on sunday, but yours was calling to me. Now i know the reason. I lost my Mom to cancer when I was relatively young and think about her everyday still. While the pain has lessened, the memories have become stronger and I feel her presence with me always. My life is forever in the before and after of her death. I’m just glad my dad is in great health, although he lives half a continent away.
    My thoughts are with you today. CTD

  17. Girl, I can’t believe it’s already been four years. The pain does lessen with time, doesn’t it? I think maybe that’s because the time before we see our moms again gets shorter with every passing day. But the pain of losing them so early doesn’t go away, does it?

    You are being a pillar of strength to Courtney now just as your mom always was to you. And yes, you DO have the same strength, because the strength comes from the Lord.

    May your time in Charleston be a great refreshment! (Did you know Charleston is our favorite spot? Jack and I honeymooned there, and we’ve gone back with our family many times over the years.)

  18. Your posts in memory of your mom are one of the few things that have helped me deal with the sudden loss of my dad and best friend 19 months ago. YOUR hope has given ME hope that I can get through each day. I’m sure your mom was a wonderful person and I hope today you find some happiness in the midst of the sadness.

  19. Patti I am so sorry. I don’t know the pain of losing a child. Praying for you today. Praying you can rejoice in the memories you had with him and that God would give you comfort and peace.
    Blessings,
    Cyndi

  20. Thank you Laura! I don’t know if you know this but my Mom was the one who introduced me to blogs and told me she thought I should start one. I feel this blog is such a part of her.
    I also ask God to tell Mom I love her, I’ve never heard anyone else say that they did that. 🙂
    Thanks for stopping by!
    Blessings,
    Cyndi

  21. Oh Cherri I”m so sorry your Mom has ovarian cancer but so glad it was contained. God is not finished with her yet!!
    Thanks you for stopping by!
    Blessings,
    Cyndi

  22. You are so right Suzanne! The memories do get sweeter and the things they taught us get stronger. Thank you for sharing that.
    So sorry for your loss too but they are with us.
    Blessings,
    Cyndi

  23. Thank you Andee!! Mom left us with the most important thing and that’s a relationship with Jesus. What would I do without him?
    So thankful you still have your parents. I know you know this but treasure every moment!
    Thanks for stopping by,
    Cyndi

  24. Cyndi, thank you for sharing your heart, your wisdom & Godly words with us everyday. I can’t imagine a day without my mom or dad I still need them and their wisdom everyday as if I were still a child and not a 40 year old woman. But your mom was very wise and left you with a Godly heart and mind to pass these words, verses, tips & ideas for you to share with us all. That is an amazing gift. I’m sorry your mother left too soon, we should not feel that pain but being earthly beings we do, and as others always say, remember they are with their Father now and nothing could be more wonderful. I hope you enjoy your time and have good memories of the times with your mom.

  25. Cyndi, my daddy passed away suddenly on September 20 – 26 years ago. He loved fall (me, too!), and it seemed fitting that he went home during that time of the year. He was only 62, a year older than I am now. I still miss him so much – and Mama who died the next year. They missed my children growing up, and I missed them being here. But, they never leave us, really. The memories get sweeter, and what they taught us gets even stronger. Love to you this weekend as you remember!

  26. March marked the four year makr for my mother’s passing and i totally relate to this post . My fahter died when I was just 13, so I hung on dearly to my mother who had these biggest heart of anyone I know. She had an unwavering faith despite a hard life where so many close to her died too soon. At just age 39 she had lost both parents and her husband. She was an only child and within a few years, two of her friends passed away suddenly. I feel blessed to feel her spirit with me at times and the comfort that brings , as she sends butterflies to me on special occassions or when I am missing her the most… I was truly blessed and am so glad she was my mother and for that matter the legacy of love my father left me in just 13years together.

  27. My thoughts and prayers are with you today. Your mom was a beautiful lady, and you look just like her. My heart is tender now as I walk through ovarian cancer with my mom. Diagnosed early August. She had no symptoms just weight loss and just not feeling just right, tired! The cancer was contained in her right ovary. She had a hysterectomy about 4 weeks ago, biopsies all benign. Started chemo on Thursday, Sept. 19 as a precaution. Thanking Father God for all of His many blessings through the trial. Much love to you. So glad you have those precious memories of your mom to treasure. I too have a godly mom. Enjoy Charleston.

  28. I know you are missing her! Losing my daddy has been heartbreaking. In my prayers I ask God to tell him I love and miss him. Thank goodness we will see them again. I enjoy your blog so much. Some days it’s exactly what indeed to hear. I don’t believe in coincidence. God is using you to do great things!!!

  29. My mom passed away 25 years ago this week (Wednesday).. I was 18 and a freshman at Purdue University…she has missed so much of my life… and meeting her grandchildren.
    I will keep you in my prayers today! I rejoice that she is with our Savior and one day you will see each other again 🙂
    Leanne

  30. Thank you for sharing. Your mother was beautiful. I know you are missing her and being in Charleston will bring up a lot of emotions. Celebrate your mom’s life today! Enjoy the city! I was just there a month ago for my 24th anniversary with my husband. It is a beautiful place with so much history.

  31. Cyndi, thank you for sharing. You know your mother is with The Lord. Having that assurance is such an awesome blessing! You miss her here. You will be with her there. Sharing in praise to The Lord.

  32. I know the pain of losing such a wonderful woman of God way too soon. My mom was 64 when she died of a rare terminal illness called amyloidosis. She was my very best friend and my world was crushed! That was 11 years ago. I still miss her terribly, but I find peace in knowing that I WILL be with her again one day. It hurts to live this life without her, but I try to show my children, my students, and all those who come into my life the love of Christ that she taught me. How blessed are we that we had moms who loved The Lord? Hugs to you today as you honor the life of your mother.

  33. I am so sorry for your loss Cyndi. Your mother was a beautiful woman, I am certain just as much on the inside as on the outside! Thank you for sharing this song, it was what I need today. Today is the second anniversary of losing our beloved son Anthony exactly one month before his 24th birthday. I await the day we are together again in the light of God but it is a tortuous painful wait, as you know.